I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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