I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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