I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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