Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
