So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
