what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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