I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
