Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
