i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
