i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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