Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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