the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
