just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
