hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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