I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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