He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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