ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
