Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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