he puts the penis in happiness.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
