woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
