Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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