I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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