i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
