Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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