If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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