You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
