i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
