the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
