We're facebook friends in real life
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
