Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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