its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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