Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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