i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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