I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she pinky promised me she was 18
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
