Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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