I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
