We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
