This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
