yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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