it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I could fuck to npr.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
