why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
