You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Terrible idea I love it
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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