I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
