doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
