Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
