oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just cropdusted the office
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
