shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
