Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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