Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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