I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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