Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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