Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
