is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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