I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
